How To Spot a Nollywood Movie In Any Part Of The World

I just came across this amusing yet true list of how to spot a Nigerian movie in any part of the world that you might find yourself. While i couldn't stop laughing out loud, the reality of the author's lines hit me much harder than i had expected. Enjoy!

 You Know It’s A Nigerian Movie When:
1. The title of the movie tells u the whole story line

2. A lady is about to go to bed at night and yet her face is fully made up.

3. Someone will be shown 25 years after and he will be wearing the same clothes he wore earlier

4. When there is a flashback in a flashback.

5. When a film talks about past events in the 80s and 90s and you see MTN, ETISALAT and GLO banners in the background.


6. The lyrics of the soundtrack is literally the plot of the movie.

7. A car is about to have an accident when the steering wheel suddenly starts turning and the driver will eventually hit an “ewedu” stem and the driver will be seen with his head on the steering wheel with no damage to windscreen, nor any scratch on the car whatsoever.

8. The same song is played ON and ON and ON throughout the movie (whether it is an action/love/drama scene)

9. The actors waste unnecessary time to perform an act that shouldn’t take more than a fraction of a second e.g An actor will spend fifteen good minutes of his time threatening to kill someone, spend another five minutes looking for his gun (while the mumu victim will stand there watching) and then spend another ten minutes shouting “I WILL KILL YOU TODAY” after which he tots his gun (the sound is often times not in sequence with the trigger pull) and then the victim screams ” I AM DEAD, YOU HAVE KILLED ME, I AM DYING” and then he dies.

10. Advert floods d first half hour. Thank God for fast forwarding

11. A car will hit someone at top speed and that person will still be lying on the bonnet of the car

12. The bad characters are completely evil and the good characters are completely good, one track personalities

13. You have to reduce the volume for the soundtrack and increase it to hear what the actor are saying, so you have to hold onto your remote control.

14. When you see a village girl speaking phonetics

15. Almost all endings will happen in church, when at the end of the movie, a pastor and his team prays and the wicked/evil person manifests, confesses and then drops dead. . . To God be the glory. This always happens when the director/ producers have run out of ways to end the movie.

16. A ghost will be looking on both sides of the road before crossing

17. When married women wear club-appropriate outfits all day, everyday- even when cooking in the kitchen or attending to someone at the store.

18. You can predict the movie by mere looking at the DVD casing

19. When the film advertisement ends with GO GRAB UR COPY NOW!!!!!! as if its going out of existence and ur entire being is dependent on it

20. When it is marketed and distributed at 51/52 Iweka road Onitsha, 12 Idumota lane or Pound road Aba.

21. An actor leaves his house in a red shirt and is seen in the car with a blue shirt and arrives his destination in a red shirt.

22. When a hospitalized patient dies by shaking violently on the hospital bed.

23. When Jim Iyke or anoda actor is putting on SUNSHADES in a CLUB at NIGHT

24. When a man suffers a gun shot injury to the tummy and is shown in the hospital with bandages on their head and a cast on their arms and legs.

The second and concluding chapter coming soon.

By Samod Biobaku
simplysamad@yahoo.com